No Excuse For My Gluttony

Last Year in September, I had lost 102 pounds. I did this astounding feat with three simple (in theory,not so much practice) methods. My job can be physically demanding at times. That was simple. We were working full time hours and sometimes overtime. I simply worked hard. Secondly, I walked, not a leisurely pace, but not jogging either between four and eight miles three to five times a week. I like to walk. It’s therapeutic for me. And lastly, and most challenging, I conquered my tendency to overeat.

Then, last Fall, work dropped to three days a week, with several weeks completely off. I became very discouraged. Three of the books I was writing disappeared. I was devastated. My guitar student had to stop lessons for a while. The weather started turning bad. I started feeling physically bad (which is actually a side effect of depression). I quit walking. Guess what else I started doing again. Yep. Another symptom for my depression is serious overeating.

I gained about 30 pounds over the Winter. In the Spring, I started trying to turn it back around. Unfortunately, habitual behavior doesn’t change easily. Here it is mid-July, and I’m finally starting to see results to my efforts. I’m walking again. Work is up to four days a week, and I work hard.

Now the matter of eating is still hard. I will successfully exercise moderation, which is in complete contradiction to my nature for a few days, then I blow it. In the last two weeks, I had lost 11 pounds. Then Saturday, I went to a party. There was a criminal amount of food, and I ate an unlawful amount.

I was in a situation where gluttony was acceptable, so I excused myself. I used to do that at church dinners. Saturday, I ate til I was very uncomfortable. I actually looked at the amount of food I had taken, knew that I was going to be sick, and did it anyway. Have I conquered it yet? Clearly, no.

On work days, I eat a moderate breakfast. I am a diabetic, so its important not to skip meals (however, NOBODY should skip breakfast!). At work, I will eat a moderate lunch. I’m working hard, so I burn a lot of calories and sweat a lot. Then I come home and PIG OUT all evening.

I have a plan to change that. I have implemented the plan a few days, and it worked; however, then I went backwards a couple days. I don’t want to be too hard on myself, but on the other hand, I don’t want to continue excusing my inconsistency. I will nevr progress to my goal if I allow myself this lack of self-control. I did it last year. That means I can do it again. That means I WILL do it again.

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At Least Two of Me

In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Clone Wars.”

If I were to clone myself (and who’s to say I haven’t already?), I would send me off to work, clean house, do the laundry, and every menial daily task. While the other me could write full-time, spend time with my daughter and grandchildren, and friends… you know, the fun stuff. Also, the third me would become a professional pool player. He would take care of my reading obsession. I love to read but sometimes it interferes with my writing (and if it’s a really good book, it interferes with life).

Then the fourth me… wait… I’m breaking the rules, aren’t I?

Things That Swing

For those following my blog (if I did it right), you will notice a new look for the new year.

I’m going to post a reconnoiter kind of article a little later (Not now, this is not that one), where I will compare what direction my blog has taken, compared to it’s beginnings. Has it gone the way I expected? More on that later.

Right now, just a few personal updates…

I finally got insurance, so I’m looking for a local doctor in my network to begin dealing with my health issues. I had been going to a clinic for a few years, but they shut down. I saw one regular doctor and two specialists through that clinic. So now, I’m insured.

Over the holidays (actually starting last October), my work hours were drastically cut, the weather has been nasty, and I have been lazy. I have gained some pounds back after losing at one point 102 lbs. I have not been doing my walking. Eating more + less physical activity = well… who knew?

My guitar student is likely hooking me up with a new student. I’m looking forward to that.

Also, I have been studying HTML5 (a coding language), and I will also be learning some of the other coding languages. I will be getting my own domain soon, and begin using what I am learning to create at least one blog on WordPress.org.

I have not been writing very much lately. LOTS of reading though. The more I read, the better writer I become. But, as I have written in this blog before: Sometimes I am a writer who doesn’t.

This Sunday, January 11, 2015, I will be 55 years old. Maybe its time to get serious about some things. Ya think?

Updates: Warning! Dated Material!

Mr. Bates from CrossLink Publishing has never responded to me. I don’t mean to judge, but it doesn’t seem that he is very interested in helping a writer trying to make a Christian message marketable.  

However, Darya Sackett from INNOVO Publishing has been very helpful and supportive. She has given me some very specific and helpful information on how to build my platform (see last post). I am beginning that process, with a goal of having an established platform by this Fall. Then, MORE THAN SONGS should be a marketable Christian book.

*** On a completely different topic, I had a job interview yesterday with the owner of a “fine dining” restaurant in Kent, called LAZIZA. It is a well-paying opportunity with advancement on the near horizon. The owner is looking to open a new restaurant in Hudson this June, and he is looking for managers to open it. It’s been several years since I worked in a restaurant. I’m nervous, but confident that, with a little time, I can brush up on my culinary skills and knowledge. ****
 

Reality Check Please!

Although losing my job was a traumatic financial loss, it was really an emotional kick in the groin. By the way, let me caution you, my sensitive readers: I will be blunt in this post.

In the world (and especially in the work world), there are people who strive against mediocrity. They care about the quality, the meaning, the purpose of their life and work. That’s me.

Then there are people who are interested in doing what is necessary for a paycheck or some form of stability. They rarely, if ever, have the passion to go beyond the minimum required. That is not me.

Unfortunately, the former frequently pisses off the latter. I would get into what I call “the should be mode“. Those who are simply doing the minimum required are not burdened with concern for how things should be; and they do not want to hear about it.

I’m not saying that is the only reason I was fired. But it had something to do with it. During the termination meeting, Jeff Risner (the administrator) said that I was excellent with the residents when it came to something I enjoyed doing. However, he and the new Activities Director, Christine Heaton, felt that if it were an activity or task that I didn’t personally like to do, I would not start it promptly and cheerfully.

I don’t know about that. I don’t care for the game cornhole, yet on the day that I was fired, I was observed leading a game with the Alzheimer’s residents. One of the residents’ family member was present, and complimented me for being wonderful with the residents.

I know that it took a lot of energy for me to be upbeat, cheerful, and positive ALL THE TIME, regardless of how I actually felt, both physically and emotionally. The facade was perhaps a little transparent at times. The new Director didn’t like what she saw.

Again, I want to stress that I am not angry at anybody about it, except for myself. I had plenty of warnings, but I was believing the good feedback I was getting from co-workers, residents and their families, and my former Director, Karen Randau. I wanted to believe in my ability to maintain “Mister Happy” at all times. It’s not easy when you are feeling physically terrible and emotionally stressed to make “Mister Happy” seem real.

I’m applying for unemployment, and I’m job-hunting as best as I can with no car. I’m searching on line for work, and I’m writing.