Whenever I tried to share my testimony of my faith in Jesus Christ with my brother, he angrily rejected it. He would not receive any “religious talk” from me at all. As his health declined and death drew near, I tried again. While he was still able to speak, he wouldn’t hear it from me. I knew it wouldn’t be me, if anyone, to lead Larry to his Savior. I prayed that God would bring someone into his life to whom he would listen.
Recently, God has been convicting me as to why Larry would not hear anything about my faith from me. He had seen me act and talk contrary to my Christianity many times. To him, I must have seemed a terrible hypocrite or a fool. And he was right.
My brother was not the only person in my life that I have so damaged my witness, I couldn’t possibly share the Gospel with them. How could I talk to them about a Lord God who lives inside me, never leaves me, loves me, changes me, when my words and behavior don’t show that to be true? My testimony to these dear people has not been life, but death and pointed them toward hell rather than the Lord.
It’s easy to act and talk the spiritual way around the Christian family. But apart from them, if I behave differently, then I am what the Bible calls double-minded and a hypocrite. I don’t do this out of peer pressure or fear of rejection. I don’t even have that lame excuse. I am simply too much into indulging my flesh.
I have sinned against God and against these people. I am trying to change. I am deeply sorry to the people in my life that I have given such a terrible testimony. Please forgive me.