I Worry About Zombies

People are gems. My life and acquaintances seem sometimes like a good stand-up comedy routine. At least I think it’s funny.

I recently heard an acquaintance, in all seriousness, say: “I’m afraid of zombies!”

When I realized she was not kidding, I responded: “You know what scares me about zombies? I worry that there are not enough of them. They probably should be considered an endangered species! So many of them get killed off in the movies. For example, the film WORLD WAR Z. The mass genocide of zombies is deplorable! Oh sure, they assure us that no zombies were injured during the making of these movies; but they also said that about the dinosaurs in JURASSIC PARK!”

So, are you all with me on this?

How To Fall On Ice

I slipped and fell on treacherous ice on a neighborhood street last week. It wasn’t the first time I have fallen, nor will it likely be the last time ice and gravity have worked against me. Although this incident did not leave me injured, I have taken falls that did.

‘Tis the season for snow and ice, and not all streets get the clearing they deserve. In my city, sidewalks are the responsibility of the home or business on that particular spot. In other words, most sidewalks are not cleared.

It’s not rocket science. Ice reduces traction. When you start to lose your balance, it seems the natural response is to twist and contort your body in an effort to regain and remain vertical. This, more often than not, causes injury.

But, when you reach a point where you know you are going down and there’s nothing you can do about it, that is not the time to shut down your brain.

Quite to the contrary. As a diver concentrates on making their body move in specific ways in the seconds between leaving the diving board and plunging into the water, you must do the same.

Most injuries from falls actually result from the body’s twisting efforts to not fall. When you know you are going down, you must:

  • Turn your body parallel to the ground. This will cause the force of the impact to be spread over the larger surface of your torso. Most fall injuries happen when only a few points on your body receive the full brunt of the impact.
  • Spread your arms out like you are making snow angels, including squaring your shoulders. This again distributes the force of the impact over the largest part of your body.
  • Tuck your chin. This will help support your head and neck from jarring and possibly ricocheting off the hard ground.
  • Land as flat and relaxed as possible.

The result of these steps in falling will probably make your whole body sore. However, you are less likely to be injured.

Of course, the other way to avoid injury falling on ice is… don’t walk on it.